My name is not actually Penny Dreadful. It is Penelope Jones. The Dreadful bit is my dad's joke. Actually, I am not even dreadful at all. I didn't mean for Marlon, who is our school goat, to eat a mobile phone or do some poo that looks like chocolate drops. I only set him free because I was being a friend to animals. Also, I didn't ask to be a bridesmaid at Aunt Deedee's wedding; I just wanted to build my amazing tower of chairs. It wasn't really my fault the cake fell on Dad's head and everything turned into such a horrible hoo-hah.