Prologue page - v; CHAPTER 1; Two Very Different Families; On writing an autobiography - My birth - Maternal relatives - Paternal relatives - Mother - Father - Their early relationship - Their marriage - Tensions between the two families - My birth gives rise to a family quarrel and long-standing split; page - 1; CHAPTER 2; As a Toddler in London; The problem of my name - My cousins - My admiration for their family - My godparents - How my mother ingratiated herself with her in-laws - The unfortunate consequences of this to other relatives - My loathing for Muswell Hill - Haunted by irrational fears - My first love; page - 19; CHAPTER 3; A Sanctuary from War; My maternal grandparents' West country home - A life of freedom - My bad temper - An Old Dame's school - A perverse curiosity - My mother's broken promises "not to tell" - Days on the farm - Why I resolved never to attend school - Social life at Sampford Place, and my mother's relatives; page - 35; CHAPTER 4; Return to the Bombing; Am sent to a Convent school - Early infatuations - Ashmount and my father's relatives - Early disdain for the church environment - Biblical versus classical values - A cane is purchased - Its use as a punishment weapon - The bombing at night; page - 57; CHAPTER 5; To the West country Again; My brother and I are sent to the parish school - Life in wartime Melksham - Visits to relatives in Bath - Summer holidays in the War years; page - 71. CHAPTER 6; School and Life in London; At Norfolk House - School friends - Home life - Jane, the maid - The birth of Oliver and the employment of Miss Wall - How I came to judge my father - The neighbours - The influence of Arthur Mee - Nightmares and sleepwalking; page - 80; CHAPTER 7; The Inferno of Boarding School; Preparations for boarding school - I am deposited - Secret theft and violent robbery - The dyspeptic Matron - First day ceremonial and the Headmaster - Ritual torture - Poor standards of teaching - My clash with the Divinity master - A general election looms - Compulsive gangsterism - An end of term blasphemous concert is enjoyed by all; page - 93; CHAPTER 8; The Sadistic Head Boy; The Housemaster's appointee - Brutality encouraged by the housemaster's sister - The reluctant lover - The traitor and his punishment - My fight with Tuffield - His gunpowder accident - The Viking ghost - Class war in the school grounds - The consequences of an early morning quarrel; page - 107; CHAPTER 9; A Tutor and his Obsession; Woodbridge and its influence: a summary - The tutor's methods - His self-pity - The curriculum - His rages - I am falsely accused - I join the scouts - Communists in Muswell Hill - Why I avoid public conveniences - Unnecessary death of my maternal grandfather - The fear of socialist dispossession - I offer to forego my pocket money - The Labour government ensures the further enrichment rather the impoverishment of our family - Our new residence - How I broke with my brother; page - 118; CHAPTER 10; Back to Public School; My examination for Highgate - Jew-baiting at school - Causes of this - My affinity with the Jews - Inspirational teaching of History, English and Latin - An art work is condemned; page - 138. CHAPTER 11; My Escape into Literature; My psychological attachment to The Three Musketeers and the 17th century - Broadening interest in the classics - Illness and absence from school - The dreaded art lessons - The influence of the PT master - Visits to antiquarian bookshops - Holidays and other relatives in Swanage - Two new loves; page - 150; CHAPTER 12; The Conflicts of Home Life; Mabs, my father's friend - A suicide gesture - Jane, the maid - Pleasures of the pantomime - My father's contradictory attitudes on class and status; page - 163; CHAPTER 13; A New School and New Values; King Alfred School: its values and success - Its system of discipline - The psychological problems of social integration - The teaching of history - Ronald Fuller and English literature - Political interests and the debating society - Raphael Samuels and our differences; page - 172; CHAPTER 14; Love for an Actress; The beautiful Patricia Dainton - Psychological background for such an obsession - I seek personal advice for courtship - The first love letters - My mental condition - Revelations of the Journal; page - 190; CHAPTER 15; An Unsuccessful Mission; A family crisis over the wearing of spectacles - Details of my daily life and plans for courtship - First visit to Conduit street; page - 202; CHAPTER 16; A Gift for a Goddess; Schemes of murder - Am diverted by a Restoration drama - I speak with PD's mother - Second visit to Conduit street and the outcome; page - 214. CHAPTER 17; Gestures of Suicide; Preparations for the third visit - I meet Vivienne Black - A new plan followed by a desperate correspondence - Failure of my literary efforts - Attempts at self-injury - Suicide letters; page - 223; CHAPTER 18; Respite with my Grandmother; My grandmother moves to Bath - My wanderings in the city - Treats and outings - Visits to Hampton Hall - The move to my aunt and uncle - Attitudes to smoking - Character of Uncle Bill; page - 233; CHAPTER 19; The Misery of Home Life; The rebelliousness of my brother and his expulsion from home - The circumstances in which I and my youngest brother were eventually to break from our parents - Misery for all - The break-up for the foursome - Illness and hypochondria - Friendship with my cousin; page - 242; CHAPTER 20; A Violent Crisis Point is Reached; My confirmation and what it meant - Discovery of Miss Dainton's marriage - Dull days at stuffy Elmer Sands - A desperate scheme; page - 254; CHAPTER 21; The Problem of my Future; The collapse of my school work - School reports - Career advice from teachers and relatives - My father vetoes my preferences - The "nice" man at the Youth Employment Bureau; page - 264; CHAPTER 22; My Bath Relatives versus my Parents; Visit to Bath - The au pair Barbara - Our intellectual friendship - Aunt Inez suggests a stay in Germany - Plans are formulated - My parents opposition - My father's rudeness to Barbara - My Aunt's secret letter - Am forced into employment with T.G. Williams Ltd. - Am relieved to be sacked - My mother takes me to an interview; page - 274. CHAPTER 23; I enter the Legal World; An upstairs downstairs world of gossip - The varied staff - A question of class consciousness - How a legal mindset was to be of benefit in the future - My interest in jurisprudence; page - 287; CHAPTER 24; My Life in the West End; My continuing literary efforts - Theatre going - A Philosophy course - Strange visitors to the office - The Sergeant-Major loses his job - The arrival of Mr. Dawes - The Coronation - Love for a waitress; page - 298; CHAPTER 25; Old School Friends and Others; The Browns' new residence - A KAS function - Gilbert Harding - Passion for Miss Dainton revived - Attempts at the cure of pipe smoking - End of the PD affair - Assessments for military fitness - Osbourn and his Jewish girl friend - A spiritualist meeting - An evening with Richard Martin - Geoffrey Dunston and our doomed friendship - My grandfather's second marriage; page - 310; CHAPTER 26; An Ending and a New Beginning; How I ended my employment - A party at KAS - My Apology - Final parting - Christmas 1953 - Letters of thanks and good wishes - I join the Army; page - 321; Epilogue page - 331. Illustrations; between pages 170 - 171; Plates - 1; a) Author's paternal grandfather, Ernest William Corfe (1878-1963); b) Author's paternal grandmother, Ethel Corfe, nee Smith (1885-1951); c) Maternal grandfather, Capt. John Figgins, RN, OBE (1868-1946); d) Maternal grandmother, Grace Figgins, nee Bedbrook (1876-1965); Plates - 2; a) Great-grandfather, Rear Admiral James Albert Bedbrook (1845-1902); b) Author's early childhood & later teenage home: 196 Muswell Hill Rd.; c) Author's father, Felix Norman Corfe (1906-1990); d) Author's mother, Joyce D.P. Corfe, nee Figgins (1906-2000); Plates - 3; a) With maternal grandparents at Ashmount, with l. to r., Uncle Harold & father, 1936; b) Author age 2 in London home, 1937; c) With Old Nanny in garden, 1937; d) With maternal grandmother in Melksham, 1937; Plates - 4; a) Easter w/e picnic 1937, w. seated: l. to r. Aunts Anita, Betty, Great-aunt Loo, Cousin Maris, Great-aunt Blanche, maternal grandmother, Aunt Pam & mother; Standing: Uncles Denys & Vaughan, Great-aunt Gwladys & Great-uncle Percy; b) Whitsun picnic 1937, l. to r. Uncle Dick, author, mother, cousin Anne, Aunt Joan (Brown), cousin Michael & Uncle Harold; Plates - 5; a) In London age 3; b) Sampford Place, Melksham; c) With Ealing Nanny, 1938; Plates - 6. a) Author age 4 at Kingsdown, September 1939; b) On "my land" at back of Sampford Place, 1942; c) Author in background w. cousin Maris & brother, Gavin, in foreground, 3rd Septlember 1939 at Sampford Place; Plates - 7; a) At Weddon Cross, Somerset, 1943; b) Author with his two younger brothers & Miss Wall at Sampford Place, 1944; c) Hampton Hall, Bathampton, Bath; d) With paternal grandparents, mother & youngest brother, Oliver, 1945; e) G.B.Riddell, Housemaster, Woodbridge Junior School; xvi; Illustrations; Plates - 8; a) With mother & Gavin, Half Term at Woodbridge, 1945; b) With parents, Great-aunt Ruth, & Gavin, Westleton, Suffolk, 1945; c) The Revd. Prebendary E.A. Dunn (1877-1964); d) Author's later childhood & early teenage home, 105 Muswell Hill Rd.; e) The 3 brothers with dogs, Judy & Woofa in Highgate Wood, 1946; Plates - 9 Highgate School, July 1947; a) The author b) R.D. Newman; b) R. Olden (Robin Ray) d) R.G.C. Osbourn; Plates - 10; a) Highgate Schoolmasters: l. to r. L.G. Markham (Latin Master), H.F.R. Miller (Junior School Head), G.F. Bell (Senior School Head); b) Author's father in sailing dinghy, Elmer Sands, 1950; c) Woodhouse, Elmer Sands; Plates - 11; a) Author's parents with Mabs on left; b) Back row: paternal grandparents; front row: Uncle Quentin, mother & Aunt Sybel. c) Author's parents with Aunt Joan (Brown) at left, Elmer Sands; d) Mother with Mabs & Bill Symonds in Scotland; Plates - 12 King Alfred School, June 1951; a) The author b) Raphael Samuels; b) Jonathan Davis d) Sarah Miller; Plates - 13 King Alfred School Staff; a) The Heads: Mr. B.H. Montgomery & Mrs. H.M.E. Barber; b) Mr. F.C. Johnson (History) & Mr. Ronald Fuller (English); c) 16 Conduit Street as it appears in 2011; d) Patricia Dainton, November 1950; e) White House, with l. to r. father, Uncle Quentin, mother, Aunt Sybel & Aunt Joan; Plates - 14; a) 10 Sion Hill, Bath; b) Aunt Inez in WREN uniform; c) Uncle Bill at Sampford Place; d) The author in December 1953; e) 2 Old Burlington Street as it appear in 2011.